Tuesday, 27 October 2015
Tuesday, 6 October 2015
Not the kind of man you take home to your mum, except until things went wrong he seemed exactly that sort of man.
It's only money
It's only money
Only the lost hours of labour's labour.
The bodies sweat pilfered. Dreams
I have dared to dream - pocketed.
By the trusty dipper, dip, dip.
But it's only dreams.
The lace, noose, stitched up, girdle tight
By a father's son, a daughter's dad,
Businessman's guile, with his fraud safe systems
For shame shifting. Breath - less.
But it's only money.
Your moral highground scuppered
In a fog of fantasy as you laugh your God
Back through the eye of the needle
With its pain pricked precision
But it's only worship
And the man who thundered you into shape
Sees your shape shifting
Thrifty, shifty, dip dip
And wails, like I wail, at your betrayal
But it's only trust
While the lost friends stare
At the lost ranting lunatic's fear
And fear. Disappear. Along
With my money and you - my money and you.
It's only money
Only the lost hours of labour's labour.
The bodies sweat pilfered. Dreams
I have dared to dream - pocketed.
By the trusty dipper, dip, dip.
But it's only dreams.
The lace, noose, stitched up, girdle tight
By a father's son, a daughter's dad,
Businessman's guile, with his fraud safe systems
For shame shifting. Breath - less.
But it's only money.
Your moral highground scuppered
In a fog of fantasy as you laugh your God
Back through the eye of the needle
With its pain pricked precision
But it's only worship
And the man who thundered you into shape
Sees your shape shifting
Thrifty, shifty, dip dip
And wails, like I wail, at your betrayal
But it's only trust
While the lost friends stare
At the lost ranting lunatic's fear
And fear. Disappear. Along
With my money and you - my money and you.
To my great aunt and my grandmother for their help with my housing plus Maggie!
My grandmother was a bit of a feminist in her own way. She and her sister shared a house and the deal was that who ever lived longest they would inherit and then I would inherit but only grandma put that in her will. So when she died first and her sister shortly after the money got displaced amongst a lot of unseen before relatives. But the money left over started my house pot and my great Aunt Marjorie added to it. As a result I was able to buy my Council Flat, given how much I hated her who would have thought I would owe something to Maggie given my politics.
When I moved to Hertfordshire, I let the flat out. The guy I let it out to redecorated in his own inimitable style, really good, till I realised that my late grandmother's gate leg table was now half its original size. Court cases followed I got my money back and my insurance, but not my late grandmother's gate leg table and that was probably the most important thing or several other items I had left in the flat to make him more comfortable. That taught me if you are going to let out a property do not have feelings for it or the things in it.
I had been pleased to leave the flat as our neighbours had subjected us to verbal abuse, but I had to run from the next flat I lived in when we became subject to racist abuse. My son got bullied at school but we stuck it out in Hertfordshire and with my job secure I moved into my first house and family home and my son and I were happy there. But when he left,as I was now suffering from M.E and finding it more and more difficult to afford its upkeep and manage its upkeep I downsized. The plan being to use the residue for a small property somewhere else and flip and rent my flat out and live in the small place. However, continuous problems with the flat have put that plan on hold till recently. I finally had the money together and had already seen a potential place in Portugal where I could live with my son. So hopefully I can move soon.
When I moved to Hertfordshire, I let the flat out. The guy I let it out to redecorated in his own inimitable style, really good, till I realised that my late grandmother's gate leg table was now half its original size. Court cases followed I got my money back and my insurance, but not my late grandmother's gate leg table and that was probably the most important thing or several other items I had left in the flat to make him more comfortable. That taught me if you are going to let out a property do not have feelings for it or the things in it.
I had been pleased to leave the flat as our neighbours had subjected us to verbal abuse, but I had to run from the next flat I lived in when we became subject to racist abuse. My son got bullied at school but we stuck it out in Hertfordshire and with my job secure I moved into my first house and family home and my son and I were happy there. But when he left,as I was now suffering from M.E and finding it more and more difficult to afford its upkeep and manage its upkeep I downsized. The plan being to use the residue for a small property somewhere else and flip and rent my flat out and live in the small place. However, continuous problems with the flat have put that plan on hold till recently. I finally had the money together and had already seen a potential place in Portugal where I could live with my son. So hopefully I can move soon.
Monday, 28 September 2015
Thursday 5th September 1986
I have not kept up with this blog, so apologies as this is being uploaded rather late.
My grandmother wrote.
I cannot keep up this diary - eye so bad so much to do cooking washing up I'm so slow and hands (left) stiffens and feel ill - digestion or heart or both have to keep sitting down.
My grandmother wrote.
I cannot keep up this diary - eye so bad so much to do cooking washing up I'm so slow and hands (left) stiffens and feel ill - digestion or heart or both have to keep sitting down.
Wednesday, 26 August 2015
Wednesday August 26th.1981
Fell trying to cross Victoria Road, "dithered" on kerb then fell turning back, kindly motorist from other side stopped and picked me up and Police Car came along and insisted taking me home. Olive was home but may not have seen Police Car through tree and bushes. has never said a word or enquired though I have left below knee bandaged - nasty gash and both ankles grazed so go downstairs sideways. Elsie N was out - but someone apparently saw and told her re Police Car!
Wednesday 26/08/15
Not feeling very well, so cancelled online work. Torrential rain. Plumber found taps, I was feeling a bit more human, so was happy to have him come and repair the leak. £100.
Wednesday 26/08/15
Not feeling very well, so cancelled online work. Torrential rain. Plumber found taps, I was feeling a bit more human, so was happy to have him come and repair the leak. £100.
Sunday, 23 August 2015
August 12th - August 17th. 1985 and 2015.
Up before 7 am backache! - Olive's milk was early and a buff envelope (post) thought it was about my Home Help Relief! but it was for Olive re Home Help. I think but I have not seen her to ask. I felt very bewildered and rather ill - after 9 am my letter re H Help Relief came - 'Mrs Aires" 11-12 to day. Have appointment Dr Young 4pm -so lot of washing and all clean clothes (injection Dr Jenkins away) as usual apart from arm for injection, no other part of body seen!!. Mrs Aires arrived (car) a trifle late she had been told number 9!! that is where the post went too. Mrs Norton must have brought it along. Mrs Norton (H Help Boss) telephoned here for Mrs Aires quite long conversation - she, Mrs Norton, wanted me to let Mrs Aires off 10 minutes early!!! and she had arrived a bit late, so -what sort of hours am I getting. Mrs N, wanted , Mrs A. to go back to her home and then to Mrs N's office? funny!!She did a little bit of hovering - think she is not go to "Housework" very well - and come Thursday I am going to be munus 1\4 hour, shopping still windy, sun and rain - my "eye" is not seeing - I'm so worried - legs and feet, legs swollen.
Tuesday August 13th spoke too soon about legs, but first Olive lost money again? Rober Welmot was so wrong to get here a "Home Help" he should have known better - but as yet 1 day - it isn't it HH - but the District Nurse !! as I went out (to my cost) about 11.15 - no sing of Olive then - hadn't taken milk I had put in shady place - she had been up unlocked door but no attempt to take her own milk in - I did not get back till 1.20 - so I am not accused at the moment. Made the P.O. could not sit there - in precinct slumpeddown on seat and missed it - fell nearly to ground but chucked seat and pulled myself up this to the 2right side2 unusual. Eye bad did slow journey home. Trying afternoon sleep - suddently woke with right leg terrible spasms of pain screaming kind poor leg and m e - must have broken a big vein in morning fall, exactly where these pain spasms started years ago.
Wed August 14th P.C from Hilda she is in Pinner is a "fall a day" good for one like an apple a day? After brief afternoon's sleep standing up putting cushions back, just fell down to the right again surprised and puzzled
Thursday 15th August Shall not be able to keep this up much longer,sight dim. Card from Switzerland "Jennie" up her Alp - with Wyn) surveying a valley icy ravines etc, but by now she has finished there (i week) and joined Jeff and Helen at Martigny where ever that is. Home Help 9.45 so I had to be up early my dressing and wretched water and bowels wasted me such a lot of time in morning. Re Home Help they have cut me down by 1/2 hour so little can be done - except shopping and a fresh hovering. This one was a Mrs P? Next week I day Monday and Wednesday Mrs Aird I think - such a worry with changes - Bank Holiday next - then no one but we pay, Olive has just been given a Home Help - gets a Friday too - I never could think she is "homely" and has no transport. Olive of course lost her money? Robert Wilmot found or sorted it out.
Friday August 16th.had such awful indigestion these last two days thought it was the brown bread I had bought by mistake on Tuesday. when I fell in precinct so sallied forth blindly up Albert Road for white bread forgot microscope kind gentleman found me soup packets Knorr and stock cubes but would you believe? when I checked to pay, the girl said I had a brown loaf!! told her I wanted "white"!! they had altered wrapper - just "brown" on small round end I staggered home safely - could not eat lunch and slept after waiting to pay milkman, from 3pm - 1/4 to 8pm. Terrible tummy had to wait for food and I could not go to bed early - so I am again.
Sat August 17th managed at last to write P.H.A re Age "Concern" and Helen's part in it. The complaint!!!
12th - 17th August 2015 I visited my sister Jennie at her home in Weardale for a short break.
22 August 1977 Dull little sun pm. legs bad.
22 August 2015 very hot, went to see Seven Brides for Seven Brothers at Open Air Theatre Regent's Park.
Tuesday August 13th spoke too soon about legs, but first Olive lost money again? Rober Welmot was so wrong to get here a "Home Help" he should have known better - but as yet 1 day - it isn't it HH - but the District Nurse !! as I went out (to my cost) about 11.15 - no sing of Olive then - hadn't taken milk I had put in shady place - she had been up unlocked door but no attempt to take her own milk in - I did not get back till 1.20 - so I am not accused at the moment. Made the P.O. could not sit there - in precinct slumpeddown on seat and missed it - fell nearly to ground but chucked seat and pulled myself up this to the 2right side2 unusual. Eye bad did slow journey home. Trying afternoon sleep - suddently woke with right leg terrible spasms of pain screaming kind poor leg and m e - must have broken a big vein in morning fall, exactly where these pain spasms started years ago.
Wed August 14th P.C from Hilda she is in Pinner is a "fall a day" good for one like an apple a day? After brief afternoon's sleep standing up putting cushions back, just fell down to the right again surprised and puzzled
Thursday 15th August Shall not be able to keep this up much longer,sight dim. Card from Switzerland "Jennie" up her Alp - with Wyn) surveying a valley icy ravines etc, but by now she has finished there (i week) and joined Jeff and Helen at Martigny where ever that is. Home Help 9.45 so I had to be up early my dressing and wretched water and bowels wasted me such a lot of time in morning. Re Home Help they have cut me down by 1/2 hour so little can be done - except shopping and a fresh hovering. This one was a Mrs P? Next week I day Monday and Wednesday Mrs Aird I think - such a worry with changes - Bank Holiday next - then no one but we pay, Olive has just been given a Home Help - gets a Friday too - I never could think she is "homely" and has no transport. Olive of course lost her money? Robert Wilmot found or sorted it out.
Friday August 16th.had such awful indigestion these last two days thought it was the brown bread I had bought by mistake on Tuesday. when I fell in precinct so sallied forth blindly up Albert Road for white bread forgot microscope kind gentleman found me soup packets Knorr and stock cubes but would you believe? when I checked to pay, the girl said I had a brown loaf!! told her I wanted "white"!! they had altered wrapper - just "brown" on small round end I staggered home safely - could not eat lunch and slept after waiting to pay milkman, from 3pm - 1/4 to 8pm. Terrible tummy had to wait for food and I could not go to bed early - so I am again.
Sat August 17th managed at last to write P.H.A re Age "Concern" and Helen's part in it. The complaint!!!
12th - 17th August 2015 I visited my sister Jennie at her home in Weardale for a short break.
22 August 1977 Dull little sun pm. legs bad.
22 August 2015 very hot, went to see Seven Brides for Seven Brothers at Open Air Theatre Regent's Park.
Monday, 10 August 2015
August 7 -12 1977
Paid House Insurance £7.821/2.
7 Sunday.
Dull wet late afternoon. Mrs Hill came and stayed till about 8. managed to walk up Napier.
8 Monday
Letters 2 from Dorothy, both she and F ill. WRote D and Marjorie. Went Albert re telephone.
9 Tuesday shopp8ing Albert Road. Legs so bad!! Paid barbers bill £6 nearly went to Albert's spoke on telephone to Dorothy and Marjorie e.g (?) bad.
10 Wednesday fine an warm - shopping in Portsmouth - at house tidying, legs a little better,
11 Thursday up about 6.30 - had meal cooked and ready by 12.30 when they arrived. Marjorie and Frank he is 92 can walk, eat well,?
12 Friday Sea front afternoon nice day. some sun - but much cloud, warm. lunch out in Bowling Green.
Marjorie, my grandfather's sister, had married late and rather unexpectedly to Frank who was a nice chap. She had worked maybe something in the civic service. My grandfather and my grandmother had divorced so I had limited contact with my grandfather prior to his relatively early death - impact of being gassed during WW1?
5 - 8th August 2015. My first visit to a very hot but culturally interesting Prague.
7 Sunday.
Dull wet late afternoon. Mrs Hill came and stayed till about 8. managed to walk up Napier.
8 Monday
Letters 2 from Dorothy, both she and F ill. WRote D and Marjorie. Went Albert re telephone.
9 Tuesday shopp8ing Albert Road. Legs so bad!! Paid barbers bill £6 nearly went to Albert's spoke on telephone to Dorothy and Marjorie e.g (?) bad.
10 Wednesday fine an warm - shopping in Portsmouth - at house tidying, legs a little better,
11 Thursday up about 6.30 - had meal cooked and ready by 12.30 when they arrived. Marjorie and Frank he is 92 can walk, eat well,?
12 Friday Sea front afternoon nice day. some sun - but much cloud, warm. lunch out in Bowling Green.
Marjorie, my grandfather's sister, had married late and rather unexpectedly to Frank who was a nice chap. She had worked maybe something in the civic service. My grandfather and my grandmother had divorced so I had limited contact with my grandfather prior to his relatively early death - impact of being gassed during WW1?
5 - 8th August 2015. My first visit to a very hot but culturally interesting Prague.
Saturday, 1 August 2015
August 5th Sunday 1984 and August 2nd 1984.
Have not been well enough to write in here and miserable because not even a card or telephone call from Helen since July 29th since they came.well perhaps it is not a long time to them.
Thursday last August 2nd.when Shirley came she said the left eye (the dud one) was very blooshot and eyeball "glassy"- I could not see this but for a week eye uncomfortable and Wed evening before had sharp pain in eye, lasted only a few minutes, then sore, but of course I had to ring hospital , they said come in 2pm-no transport at that short notice had to get a Strand Taxi for 1.30p.m., twice while I kept Taxi I waiting I knocked on Olive's door (Glass panel and TV on) to tell her where I was going - but she soul not open her door guess she was eating her dinner. So turned card in Hall to "I'm out" taxi £3.30 - nice young man refused to take a tip of course I had to wait for "Casualty" a kindly neighbour (cars) or sister could have taken me on Bus, but I'm on my own always. Eye Dr young made thorough examination and said he thought there was no infection probably vein break "hemorrhage" asked me to get from my Dr.list of pills etc. I was taking at he thought the blood might be thinning. 'Twas Dr Macloed and busy with baby examination so I left details with receptionist and went shopping (p.O.etc. ) and didn't wait to see Butcher, hurried no stop bac, 3/4 hour and Dr Macloed was gone, short surgery, I did want to see him, he listens and answers questions - but he left list of treatment which I forwarded to Eye Hospital (with added not- sight worse - they would not get it till Tuesday, and eventually I suppose comunicate with my Dr Jenkins will be back I guess and do nothing, came home on Thursday /4 to 6pm by ambulance (Ms Page - wife on moving relief (?)) I knocked at Oliver's door, she opened quickly, this time, do not know if she saw ambulance. I told her I knocked at 1.30 to tell her where I was going - she sai she was sleeping a lot (not at 1.30) she did say, "shall I make you a cup of tea," I said no thanks I just wanted to get upstairs, never enquired about eye or what had happened and next morning when she was going to library, she just talked about the weather (I had just been round to dust Bin!! - I have always enquired how she was after a fall - and a bad cold.
Saturday August 1st.
Taught online - first Danish student. Had a nice long walk along river, app says well done. In evening brilliant Holst prom online followed by celebration of Ibiza prom brilliant too. Created new blog with Grandma Helen's diary.
Thursday last August 2nd.when Shirley came she said the left eye (the dud one) was very blooshot and eyeball "glassy"- I could not see this but for a week eye uncomfortable and Wed evening before had sharp pain in eye, lasted only a few minutes, then sore, but of course I had to ring hospital , they said come in 2pm-no transport at that short notice had to get a Strand Taxi for 1.30p.m., twice while I kept Taxi I waiting I knocked on Olive's door (Glass panel and TV on) to tell her where I was going - but she soul not open her door guess she was eating her dinner. So turned card in Hall to "I'm out" taxi £3.30 - nice young man refused to take a tip of course I had to wait for "Casualty" a kindly neighbour (cars) or sister could have taken me on Bus, but I'm on my own always. Eye Dr young made thorough examination and said he thought there was no infection probably vein break "hemorrhage" asked me to get from my Dr.list of pills etc. I was taking at he thought the blood might be thinning. 'Twas Dr Macloed and busy with baby examination so I left details with receptionist and went shopping (p.O.etc. ) and didn't wait to see Butcher, hurried no stop bac, 3/4 hour and Dr Macloed was gone, short surgery, I did want to see him, he listens and answers questions - but he left list of treatment which I forwarded to Eye Hospital (with added not- sight worse - they would not get it till Tuesday, and eventually I suppose comunicate with my Dr Jenkins will be back I guess and do nothing, came home on Thursday /4 to 6pm by ambulance (Ms Page - wife on moving relief (?)) I knocked at Oliver's door, she opened quickly, this time, do not know if she saw ambulance. I told her I knocked at 1.30 to tell her where I was going - she sai she was sleeping a lot (not at 1.30) she did say, "shall I make you a cup of tea," I said no thanks I just wanted to get upstairs, never enquired about eye or what had happened and next morning when she was going to library, she just talked about the weather (I had just been round to dust Bin!! - I have always enquired how she was after a fall - and a bad cold.
Saturday August 1st.
Taught online - first Danish student. Had a nice long walk along river, app says well done. In evening brilliant Holst prom online followed by celebration of Ibiza prom brilliant too. Created new blog with Grandma Helen's diary.
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