Jeff/ Dad and Grandma 1975

 Jeff = Dad and grandma never really resolved their differences,  and my grandmother and my mother had chunks of time when they did not speak to each other over it and then of course my mother died and my grandma lived on a long time.  Now Jeff has gone too.  Quite what lay behind his poor relationship with Grandma is hard to say, money came in to it, but they seemed to come at the topic from different perspectives and understandings.  People often thought Grandma was being cutting, a true Scorpio.  I am not sure that was her motive, sometimes one wants to be considered and have ones views listened to, especially if one is in the know, factored into the story.   For a long time I found Jeff quite difficult, I loved Grandma, but was definitely not sure about her choice of white bread and ham at times, my relationship with Jeff was more complicated, but I will miss him as I miss her.  

So what was she doing this time in 1975

14th January Dr. Tablets and granular sachets.(Not sure) letter from Helen. New address!

15th Wrote Helen.  

17th. Temperature:ear aid fitted. 

18th Have cold?  Sore on lip. 

19th. Sunny all day, did not go out very bad diarrhea during night. 

20th still bad vision not steady. rain all day. Laura signed will and Ethel. 

21st.  France's birthday sunny again, rather cold. Good night's sleep. 

22nd. Rain all day.  

23rd rain and heavy wind. TWGSS studies. 

24th rain again. visited Ethel, she has a heavy cold. I seem to have one.  

26th Sunny warm rain later. 

27th. Ditto. 

28th. TWG.  heavy rain and wind, did not go.  "cold hanging about and aching. "

Grandma always seemed to be ill, but then I notice in many of my emails I too talk about not being good for several days.  Gradually she improved. 

4th February, little better. 

5th Wednesday.  posted Helen's parcel, still rather bad. 

6th. Mrs Hill's birthday. S.S. did not go. 

8th Helen's birthday. 

11, TWG. Party. Went but not feeling well. 

I am not sure what T.W.G was or S.S. (perhaps social studies)  but grandma shows she had a group of close associates and friends and people she constantly corresponded with, but the weather and her health seemed to dominate her life. 

Early 62 and 63

Life is a precipice,  we spend a life time looking over it,  but stepping back to carry on with life.  With old age, we know one day we will go over.   But this Christmas three people have passed, one young and two old so it can come any time.     Hence the need to get on with life.  I hope I have years left to visit all the places I want to go to.  People I hope to re-meet but there is a good chance I will just potter on, not get round to half the things, as there is always something new too, and then daily life, which is what my grandma captured just goes on too. However, at the start of 1962, things were not going well. 

 

2nd January. 

Jeff mad.  I tried to head him off- none of my business what Y does with the children.  I countered with Brian.  Lying Jeff gibbered - so you'll write to Brian - warned him not to put words into my mouth. 

3rd January.  

Helen did not know she was being punished, mother not saying goodnight, said mother got into trouble for going up to Nicky. Swept ice away...Helen ? joker?  about Jeff - told (tried to Y she attacked me bruised and slapped face - ? You are a devil trying to ruin my life! Shocked never uttered a sound. 

Grandma has crossed out 62 and written 63, it is hard to tell thereafter whether she is talking about 62 or 63. 

Thursday 10th 63 Babs op.  

13th.  Very cold. Up late. Only swept stairs. Cinema - Jumbo very good - cinema warm and comfortable.  Albert at hospital. Power but 9.30 - 10.30. 

14th Toilet paper on chair - Jeff took?  

15th Babs to go home tomorrow, Weds after lunch. 

19th very cold - did not go out all day. 

21 very cold and slippery. left shoulder, ear painful. (draught at office) letter from Hilda - wrote Worthing (Easter and Paignton Holiday

Y and J electric blanket - my electricity. 

28th underground strike. 

1st February.  Babs said they want to get me out. 

4th/5th.  Posted letter to Y 62.  Paid TV licence 63. 

6th received letter Y (ours had crossed) they do want me to get out offer £600, remember J nattered something about house Jan 2. 

8th Helen's birthday I gave paints and blouse.  

8th 63 Helen's birthday gave my gold cross and chain and HMV record Oklahoma. She had at least two others "Pop ones" Jean early evening. Y only just in.  ( I think I still have a copy of that record)

9th Helen's Party 3 - 7.30. Weather very cold.  

14th 1963 Hospital out patients Babs.  Ambulance went in saw her on Train 4.29 Harry ill hospitla when bed available. very cold. snowing not re shed. 

17th 63. Went to Welling to see Harry and Win - Harry very queer home 11.45 

18th 63 Children not got school.  Cold snow in night. 

19th 63 Children home from school. 

20th Y out. Children still not at school, no fuel. card from Win re Harry. She is panicky. Cancer?

22nd 63 Y out. Snow again. morning slipped on stairs back hurts. Fog, afternoon and snow storm. Letter from Brian Y schedule A? 

23rd. Children with Jean weekend. Received letter from my sol.enclosing one from Y sol. Ultimatum? They are determined to house me out. Sheer persecution. No hint of needing more room before. 

31st March 1962 Yvonne married again, terrible day for me. No speak no hint, nothing. 

There are some pages from the 63 diary, torn out and tucked into the 62 diary. 

Monday 18th March.  Hilda's birthday.  Helen seeing some of her toys thrown out (dustbin) said to her mother "if it is thrown out again I will go with it. " adding "I mean that!!.  terrible thing for  a child of 8 to say - why should she use such a threat - is she unhappy?  I have already pointed out that her mind is disturbed.  

I had had the most wonderful rocking horse,  I loved tipping it right up, but at 8 I was deemed too old for it,  I remember being upset at the time that my things were being chucked out,  so interesting to see the observations of how things were a year after my mother's second marriage and also how bad things were between her and my grandmother. 

Time to return to the grandmother's. Christmas 82

 My chances of being a grandmother diminish every day, but luckily I am an aunt to several children, here and in Kenya. 

I was turned off writing this up by the comments but after the sudden and unexpected death of my late father's wife, I have acquired letters from my father's mother to him during the war and they have opened up his early life. I need to record them before they fade away and I also have the first world war letters - somewhere of my mother's father, and they too need recording so time to return to the grandmothers and grandfathers.  

So let's see what my Grandma Helen talks about re Christmas 82. 

Christmas Day Sat 25th.  dull but warmer, after tea and biscuits about 6 am back to bed and eventurally slept till 10 am. So late all day but checked was bought cooked. Helen rang after she is alone in flat Rosy having gone to India for a month. Helen is having the "Groombridges" Sunday, turkey etc - she will be busy - going to join Jeff and Jennie in Cambridge Monday.  I had 24 or 25 cards cannot count. 

I remember that Christmas so well, it was the first and only time I spent Christmas Day alone and it was the worst Christmas of my life despite having arranged to see people the following two days, in fact without this diary entrance I would have thought I had spent the whole period on my own and that is my recollection but I obviously didn't, which is nice to know. 

It has been very windy and very wet this winter, seems it was the same New Year 83.  

Thursday 6th.  Up fairly early, had decided to visit Mrs Hill (the land festing road" - very windy, had forgotten my usual way there and it is farther than I managed for ages.  arrived ok and surprised to find her daughter there - I thought school (she is a school mistress) had started!! not till next Monday. "refused tea - I could see they had had theirs - took talc and sweets - she, Florence is cooking very frail doing knitting - but still complaining that Doreen will not let her do anything - wish I had someone around like her 2 daughters but I do understand how bored she gets. 

I still feel guilty for not helping my grandma more when I used to see her, especially in her last year of life, but usually she refused the help offered.  However, she is in my mind when I try and help my step dad to the commode or help him eat.    I cannot help her, but try to help another. 

Christmas cards 2023

Mush Gush and Trash inaccessible!

Weird why can't I access my other blog, Mush, Gush and Trash.  Technology seems to be slipping away from me as my smartphone suddenly morphs to only offer voice rather than keyboard and the games I am trying to teach my student are invisible until a Flash of inspiration strikes. Unlike a lot of younger people I can neither intuit what I am required to do or work at it till I can work out the solution.  I just meet a brick wall.  So whilst I want to write in my other blog I cannot.  


So what was my grandma doing mid April?  Recently having been to Wales and not even having been able to climb a hill suddenly age seems real and threatening.    Her constant worries about her health suggest for some older people this can be the theme of their later years, but she actually worked till she was 70 and despite a lot of problems only really seemed to need help in the last couple of years of her life. 

April 62 16th Started at Steinfields all day not bad tiring!! hospital evening. home 9 pm, Tuesday 17th 1 - 5.30 underground brokedown - had meal in town then hospital telephone Win. Home 9 pm tired.
April 1968 17th Wednesday  Cistitis!.!   19th Friday  started on upstairs kitchen. 22nd Monday still not feeling good.
April 75 16th Sunny and fairly warm. 17th S. Studies. 18th Len starts holiday.
April 76 14th Wednesday Easter card from Jennie. Saturday 17th Y,J and Jennie at Thurlestone. Monday 19th Card from Y.
April 77. 14th Thursday S Studies Po Film and lecture!  Bright sun cold wind.  15th Friday  letter from Helen re coming May 27th - I will be away then. shopping Portsmouth. 16th Saturday up 7 am some sun but still wind cold - library am - wrote Helen. Letter from Elsie. 17th Sunday wrote and posted letter to Helen and D and F, wind not so bad sun, sat watching bowls afternoon.
April 78 17th Monday bad night sick 4 am made tea! awake 7.30 back bad- hot bath Dr 3.0 Albert there! back trouble muscular. Ethel came evening.  18th Tuesday Ethel called Flowers from her and Laura.
April 80. 17th Thursday letter airmail from Helen - Germany not Gibralter - Cologne. She is very thrillled, has no Germany but has done interviews Forces (Built) station radio. 18th Friday.  After 9pm Jennie telephone just back from Germany not near Helen - Hannau? School party town twinning!! Three weeks !!!Jeff did not get to France because of business. 19th Saturday cold little shopping fed up.

I find it very poignant reading what she says but I also am finding she is helping me remember things for example that I had originally planned to go to Gibraltar with BFBS, but I did not know my sister had gone on a school trip to Germany and I am not sure what this S.Studies is that my grandma mentions twice. 

I am feeling very very fed up too, but not sure why.  I have to fill in the Companies House accounts on the company that was set up by Bex Banjo but what do you say.  You put money into an account that turned out not to be the company account and then that the money you put in solely to be used for purchasing a house, was then removed but not returned.  I will ask Companies House for their advice. I could be fined if I do not do the account properly!  I visited my son in Portugal and we took a rather mournful look at the property that we had almost bought there - I had to halt the process when the money from the account disappeared as I did not know if more money would disappear and from other accounts or if I would have to pay £33000 for the flat that the company failed to buy!  Now my son lives in a tent and at present I still do not know how to make it up to him or how to find another similar way to help him stay where he wants to be but also have some money so he can stay where he wants to be. Mr Banjo's legacy lives on even when one tries to get on with life. 

Wednesday 29/03/2017 and looking back at the beginning of the year 62, 68,

Today is Brexit day so I decided to see if my Grandma had commented on the moment we joined the EU,  it is the first time I have really looked at what her collection consists of and realise really they are only a few  years and they do not go back that far.  It seems that they really are a creation of her very old age (she was 90 when she died) I think she might well have been a blogger though had they been around.    There are 7 actual diaries and then a number of notebooks packed with her thoughts mainly on the weather, her sister and her ailments. She underlines regularly too regularly for me to include, uses capitals in slightly odd places and likes her exclamation marks as much as I do!!.

We joined the EU January 1st 1974.  Her first diary that I have is 1962 - the diary entries  for Jan 2/3 are a bit painful, but on January 1st 1962 she just notes Snow and Frost - judging by the entries for Jan 2/3 that might be a comment on relations between her and my mother, her daughter, or about the weather!
Her first entry in the next diary 1968 was Pay Rise £8 - 10.  Tax now 27/-.
31 Dec 1974- Ear Test St Mary's.
2nd February 1976.
27 Dec 1976 very cold   28 very cold.  Went to Kingston Crescent for Olive to say farewell to Len. 29 Dec Harry came 4.15 Albert was already here.  Letter from Helen to Olive.  Len Cremation.  Porchester.  Olive/Albert - Harry.  E and F in own car.
2 January 1978  Met Mrs Sherwan and Mrs H and Tucker, former came back for tea.
30 December 1979  Very cold, but sunny. Called on Lilly 12 noon, no reply. Sat on sea front for a while. Dull afternoon and evening did some reading not good for my eyes.



And on this day all those years ago -
Saturday 29 March.1980  Little shopping.  Deb a.g. Tesco pm.  very dull day and still strong wind. Telephone connections April 10th.
Wednesday 29 1978 cold still windy very
Tuesday 29 1977, did not go out cold.
Monday 29 1976 Head pain troubling some time
Sat 29 1975 Sunny all day but very cold. Y J and Jennie at Lyme Regis (was that because of my mum's interest in the French Lieutenant's Woman)  Len not well.
Thursday 28 March 1968 Y and Jennifer came.
Thursday 29 March 1968.  Still nothing from Babs or A ring Win? Wrote J.G.


I of course know who many of these people are so find these bare entries quite poignant.  I once thought of being a meteorologist - and my gran definitely seemed obsessed by the weather.

Sunday March 28th 1982.

If I had not have been defrauded, I would be the owner of a property in Portugal by now and my son would have a permanent home. As it was when I suddenly lost my deposit on another property, I halted the Iberian purchase in case I lost all my money.  I did not know what was going on.  The consequences of my disastrous business deal with Mr Banjo still roll on as I try and work out whether to try again to buy with my son or give up and move nearer family.

Reading my grandmother's diary and remembering her many run ins with her sister,   I can see that this is not always the charming solution it promises to be.

Police car outside when I came into lunch. No sing of policeman route enquiries at Guest House maybe, fat girl and boys often lounging in gateway. How I wish they had never come - Dustbin out back "alley" looks like mine but I cannot see no on it plainly - my colour paint but bin itself looks wrong dirty and paint round top edges sure I never did that, cannot get rid of fish smell (fried cods soft roes (tinned) have been scouring round everywhere with hot water and disinfectant in case I've dropped a piece and cannot see it - not good for my hands!!!

Monday March 29th. Clocks went on yesterday !! I did not know thought my clock had lost 1 hour. Elsie verifeid my Dust Bin was not in, so I just had to push Olive's stones away from door (it is too swollen to shut) and bring the Dust Bin in.  Olive might have been decent and brought it in more often than not over the years I have always put out and broought in both bins!! Apparently someone had reported next door (Guest House) for obstruction in back passage hence the Police!! It is all clear now and painted white and smart and my Dust Bin was out since Thursday last.  Wonder if police called while I was out (carrying my rubbish to public litter bin! I have to do this every few days I have to do this every few days as I cannot get at my Dust Bin what a life at 85 years I do not always want to go out!  leg really bad still swollen from fall weeks ago and right shin still bleeding a bit and oozing will not heal - silly enough to knock left leg again indoors!! on wood corner of small settee if I only money I could have everything well upholstered and padded my eyes do not see except straight ahead with these glasses but I ought to know where everything is, its frightening colder today rain hair - sunshine - Floods in Australia's Alice Spring area first for 10 years (first rain)

Tuesday March 30th cold and dull, sun tries to appear! No post I do want to know that Helen arrived home safely, think she was going to Nic's Sunday so may have news of them all later on hope Helen gets a good job soon otherwise she will brood.  

*****************

At 62 I do not always want to go out and the many bins are the bane of my life and many others so nothing changes in that sense, but I cannot imagine the police attending to that nowadays.

March 12th 1982.

It has been an unusually busy week, with a meal in a pub with an old friend, to a day's singing and catching up with other singers,  I feel shattered but also that I have a life, back in 1982 though my grandma was battling with her sister.


Friday 12th, very heavy rain and wind during night and early morning went shopping fairly early but milkman did not come till after 1 o'clock did washing and used sping Ringse afternoon. Olive came up evening about 5 water board bill and accused me of interfering re trees and I always tried to ruin her life!!  Apparently 2 men called Tuesday previously and inspected Back garden.  I only enquired about the tree in the front Olive said it would be £10. - I said I'd pay the £10 and she went on about the back garden trees.  I only know it is an apple tree and she insisted that I'd asked for back garden? trees to be inspected and clearance of garden which would cost her. I never mentioned back garden to Council men. Apparently 2 men called - one muddy boots stayed outside front door - other man went through house. I was terribly upset about this attack on me and wrote her note (because I new she would not let me talk and shut door in my face) about my only conversation with Council man was tree in front - note was returned unread Saturday or she would have known I was contacting Council man - so I wrote across "Water Board leaflet (left here) that as she could not read she would not know of action I was taking!!. (writing tree man. Sat 13th letter from Helen posted letter to Tree man eyes very bad though sunny but windy day just bought potatoes and apples sat on seat in strand to rest awhile hurt left leg in evening.Sunday 14th slept late; did not go out. slept afternoon rang Helen morning - she at Brian's for day.  Early evening attached note from Olive - I was stupefied first I had head of my "broken pipe" where how can I find out! Did not go into Bathroom this morning or run any water off - loo - twice after 9 am.  Wish I could remember which day! Probably early Mon? Tuesday? I told Olive of bad smell coming up especially at night when house closed, she said something? had happened in her bathroom combined look all wet and carpet up trying to dry - my heater would not stretch to her point - since then it seemed to have gone but now - today's demand.  It may be connected with my "loo" how can I tell - I want to call in Mr Word but he is the man Olive soured with 3 years ago and accused of upsetting her look when adjusting my loo tank!  She does not trust the man plumber over the road no 30!!.  I immediately went down to see her and assured her I did not and could not know of broken pipe nothing wrong to be seen and that she knew I always call in workman if I know of anything wrong - tried to tell her that since August 7th when our water big was severed by Gas workmen - and even after permanent repair on the Monday she complained of loo water loss and accused me or Elsie next door who had key ( I was out) of letting workmen in who might have meddled with her loo!!!.  I had to tell Else as she was implicated and apparently she, Elsie wrote to Olive that no man entered! Olive now denies that any of this happened. (Only weekend till Monday permanent repairs) and the accusation of Elsie and I  a made up tale by me!! but of course what I was trying to tell her was that since that time the water drawn both up and downstairs was sounding terribly loud - but strangely it was quieter about a fortnight ago!  I wondered if I was deaf! and was going to check with Janet about difference - but she has missed last Monday - holiday due.  I'm so worried think I must try to get hold of Mr. Wood.